Have you ever wanted to die?
Quietly slipping away, coming out of your body and watching the earth go through her rotations. Flying and traveling through the stars, drinking the galaxies and holding the suns.
I perceive death to be more exciting than what I think the reality is. When the body breathes its last breath, and when the brain fires its last spark of chemical electricity, there is nothing left. There is no grand flight through time. There is no greater consciousness to meet.
… But what if there were to be a second life? A new journey? That’s what I keep hoping.
Thinking about death is calming, but it’s also why I love living so much.
Everyone stood back-to-back with their hands raised, holding guns and daggers, looking at each of the windows that led to the opaque world outside. I stood at the opposite side of the room, occasionally glancing down to my bare feet at the polished wood floor and listening to the rumbles and groans beneath the floorboards.
The house was large and with a mainly white interior. There were two floors that I had explored—a basement and a main floor—but we all stayed on the main floor for fear of our creation, snarling and screeching below us, snatching one of us away and tearing us apart. It was our fault it existed, and now we had to contain it and stop it from doing any real damage.
I looked across the room at my best friend, a girl in a peculiar outfit and cropped dark hair. She was clutching a pistol between her fingers, staring back at me with frightened eyes. I remember her telling me that something was very wrong.
Not a moment later we dashed into the kitchen, wheeling around a corner and pressing ourselves against the wall. My friend stayed completely still and I took a few steps back to keep watch on the other doors. Suddenly, massive green tentacles exploded from the floor, ripped the doors of the room off and wildly flailed around, grabbing anything that it could find. I ran outside, calling back to my friends to keep it contained for just a few minutes longer while I got help.
I ran to an old, abandoned high school baseball field. The only light in the hungry darkness of the night was a single orange streetlight, dim and flickering, that lead me to a dirt pathway near peeling crowd stands. I reached into my shorts for my phone, flipped it open and searched for someone’s name. They could help us.
Home alone, belting the soundtrack from “RENT”.
Oh yeah, baby.
so soft outside my window
lay me down to sleep
i walked into the apartment, one that freckles and i had been using for a couple of weeks. it rightfully belonged to someone else, but there was something inside that we both needed to continue on the task we were given. i look around a corner and then under the bed, where an extravagant chain necklace came to my hands. i heard footsteps outside of the door in the hallway, and shrunk back into a closet-sized room with a desk and computer in it.
i was hiding the necklace from him, for a reason that i didn’t know just yet. i imagined him walking in and cornering me in this small room. hurriedly i clasped the many clasps together and slipped the dangling chains over my neck. i thought that the footsteps had stopped, and so i stepped out of the small office and into the bigger room with the bed. i froze next to it as he entered, looking straight in my direction but not seeing me. i snuck out of the apartment, swiftly and silently.
a few weeks had past, and my use of the necklace was strenuous. i used it to spy on corrupt corporations, people poisoned with power, assassins and murderers. during one important mission i evaded my attackers by climbing a water tower. on another i ran with the necklace, leaping over rooftops in nighttime. before every secret danger that i went on, i changed my clothing and put on something of a disguise. more than once he walked in on me, so i hid and put the necklace on, dangling outside a window and slipping on a tan overcoat.
one day i went back to the apartment to check for something. i had heard noise outside, so i sat by the bed and waited. i crawled closer to the door. i heard some distinctive voices, one recognizable but not quite sure, and the other clearly his. when i thought that the opportune moment had arrived, i cracked the door open, black backpack slung around me and necklace on, and stepped outside. the other voice that i had heard was his mother, whom i immediately caught out of the corner of my eye due to her bright red t-shirt. she could see me. she pointed in my direction and asked him where i had been. that was all that he needed to know; the very next moment i was running away from him.
he chased me around, and not being able to see me, would stop and listen carefully. he ran at me, i stopped and changed direction, stopping short so as to not make much more noise. he stopped and listened. i tried sprinting away, he heard and nearly caught me each time. i passed a group of men in suits, crossing in front of their feet and going onto the grass scattered with moist leaves. i ran across the field, the leaves crunching beneath me, my legs feeling as if they were tied to anchors. he ran towards me, smiling, laughing, knowing that this was a game. i knew, too, and i was smiling and laughing. he was right in front of me, too close for my comfort, so i took off my backpack and swung it at him. feeling the air, he jumped back. i giggled and sprinted around a bush. he followed, finally able to corner me, and dodged another backpack swing. the moment the backpack passed him, he leaped forward and barreled into me. we landed on the wet grass, giggling like children.
once the necklace was off of me, i told him all of the adventures i had been on. “that’s why i’ve disappeared for the last three months,” i finished.
“it’s the gamer’s necklace.” he looked down. he looked at me, and i noticed that his eyes were oddly coloured, more green than blue. his expression was solemn. i kissed him lightly on the cheek, breaking his seriousness and revealing a shy grin.
and i miss,
and i dream.
all for you.
two months ago, i remember the casual walks down the street, a simple thought springing a smile to my cheeks.
two months ago, and i was still blushing.
two months ago, it was still a secret.
two months ago, every new moment and touch set off sparks from my fingertips.
two months ago, it was all new and exciting.
two months ago, i ran my tongue over my lips and longed to taste you all over again, because the first time wasn’t enough.
two months ago, i stepped forwards and didn’t look back, not for anything or anyone.
two months ago, i didn’t ever think it would make me feel like this.
my day was great. my hair is falling apart. i love my dog. now there’s something calling to me, very strongly, and i cannot resist your temptation… bed.
keep smiling. keep dreaming.